God’s intentions for sexual fulfilment lie strictly within the covenant of marriage. Marriage is not just a legal transaction. It is primarily a spiritual transaction – a joining together of two people. Just as men (and women) are spirit, soul and body, then God also intended the covenant of marriage to lead to a permanent union of spirit, soul and body
A couple who intend to marry may be spiritually joined in faith, heart and intent, but until after the vows have been made to each other and to God, and intercourse has taken place, the marriage is not complete. Indeed, the church has always recognised that a marriage which has not been completed with sexual intercourse is one that can be annulled – for it is not a proper marriage.
Intercourse is the union of flesh, when the desire of the soul is completed through bodily sexual union. Through sexual union, therefore, there is both a joining of spirit and soul and a joining of bodies.
After intercourse has taken place the bodies separate, but the souls are now joined together – the marriage, as such, is complete. There is then not only a union of spirit, but also a union of soul. Scripture talks about the two having become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). There is now a soul-tie established between husband and wife through the act of sexual union. Something of the man becomes part of the woman and something of the woman becomes part of the man.
It is for this reason that as the years go by, married couples can grow like each other in so many different ways. Even to the extent that it is sometimes possible to see the effect physically in couples that have been married for a long time.
What we have now established is that the physical union of sexual intercourse involves more than the physical joining of bodies, for those who have been joined together in this way also become joined together in their souls with what we call a soul-tie. This was God’s wonderful plan for marriage, permanently uniting couples in a living and dynamic relationship
Consequences of Sexual Sin
We have already established that when people enter into sexual sin, they are pleasing the god of this world and, as a result, they may have welcomed an unclean spirit into their lives for which deliverance is needed.
We have now understood that God’s intention for marriage was to provide a means through which man and woman would be permanently united in spirit and soul. Paul even tells us that God’s intentions for the relationship between husband and wife could even be used as a picture of God’s intentions for the relationship between Jesus and the Church! (Ephesians 5). That’s the good news!
The bad news for those who are sexually promiscuous is that God does not suspend his plans to establish a soul-tie between them in order to accommodate man’s sin. Whilst God is undoubtedly a God of love, he is also a God of law and order and God’s order for sexual relationships is that whenever they occur a joining takes place and a soul-tie is established.
So if a person, for example, had several sexual partners in their youth, he (or she) now has a soul-tie with each one of these. Something of themselves has been given away to each sexual partner and something of the other person has become part of them. Paul explicitly stated that this is even so in the case of prostitution, where he says that when a man unites himself with a prostitute “the two will become one flesh” (1 Cor. 6:16).
Instead of this being a Godly soul-tie which brings great blessing into the lives of a husband and wife, it becomes a chain of bondage through which people are influenced unknowingly by the life and personality of those to whom they have been sexually joined. And additionally an ungodly soul-tie provides an opportunity for the demonic to transfer from one person to another, both at the time of sexual intercourse and at any time subsequently.
The whole of Proverbs 5 is a warning against adulterous sexual relationships. Verse 22 sums up the consequences of ungodly sex by saying that “the evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast.” An ungodly soul-tie is a cord of sin which holds people in permanent bondage – at least until Jesus breaks the chain. Because it is through God’s order for mankind that a soul-tie was established in the first place, it follows that it is only God who can undo it.
Breaking the Chains of Ungodly Soul-Ties
1 John 1:9 encourages us to confess our sins to God so that we will be forgiven. But in James 5:16 scripture tells us to “confess your sins one to another, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed”. There are clearly two processes going on. One deals with the eternal, spiritual, consequence of sin and the restoration of relationship with God through forgiveness, and the other deals with the temporal consequences of sin which have caused a condition which requires healing – healing which can include the need for deliverance..
Of course God can (and does) heal some people sovereignly when they pray to him, but for many people there may also be a pride issue that has to be dealt with, and it is Notes… Ellel Ministries, Ellel Grange, Ellel, Lancaster, LA2 0HN, UK. email@example.com www.ellelministries.org © Ellel Ministries only the process of telling someone else about the sin that deals with the pride, which is sometimes a major blockage to receiving healing. We have seen this to be especially the case in respect of sexual sin in Christians. People would prefer not to experience the shame of someone else knowing about their sin, but where there is a pride issue in the heart, it is the humbling of oneself in this way that enables God to lift us up, restore us fully into his presence and release us into healing and fulfilment of the calling He has for us.
There is no sin that God is not able to forgive – but ultimately it is only He that can wipe our slate clean. Similarly it is only God that can undo those soul-ties that have been established through ungodly sexual relationships. So, in a ministry situation we would encourage a person to confess their sin to God, asking Him for forgiveness and restoration and then we would ask God to break the ungodly soul-tie and restore the person to a place where that which they gave away to another in a wrong relationship is restored to them and they are completely released of everything that came to them from their sexual partners.
The effect of this can be very profound, bringing transformation to people’s lives as they are restored to being the person that God intended them to be in the first place.
The final part of the ministry is the deliverance. While we have to ask God to bring the healing (severing) of ungodly soul-ties, Jesus gave to believers authority to cast out demons. It is our general experience that where there have been ungodly sexual soul-ties there will also have been demons that either came in at the time of the sin or which have used the soul-tie to enter subsequently.
Stories from the Casebook
Some of the real-life stories, gained from our experience within Ellel Ministries, will help you understand the significance of soul-ties and the importance of not allowing any of the works of darkness to remain uncleansed in a person’s life.
One man I ministered to freely confessed that he had had about fifty sexual partners. The Holy Spirit had brought deep conviction of the sin in his life and he was truly repentant. After he had fully confessed the sins and asked God to forgive him, I then asked God to break the ungodly soul-ties and restore him on the inside. Prior to this incident the man had had no teaching on the subject to influence how he would describe what happened. This is what he said. “It feels as though there are parts of me coming back to me. And I can see things that I thought were part of who I am, disappearing as God takes them away.” Then he made a very profound statement, “For the first time that I can remember, I know who I am!”. He was re-discovering his own true identity. One of the major consequences of sexual sin is that through the establishment of ungodly soul ties we begin to lose our own identity. And the more different partners people have had sex, the less they know who they really are.
In reality, until God had dealt with the ungodly soul-ties he couldn’t have known who he was, for he was joined to fifty other people, all of whom were having some sort of an influence on his life. And at the same time it was if his own influence was being spread Notes… Ellel Ministries, Ellel Grange, Ellel, Lancaster, LA2 0HN, UK. firstname.lastname@example.org www.ellelministries.org © Ellel Ministries around the world in the lives of all those with whom he had had sex. After God had broken the ungodly ties he was free to be himself for the first time since he had begun to be promiscuous as a teenager. The final part of the ministry was deliverance, and not surprisingly, there was a lot of deliverance needed.
Another man, a Pastor of a local church, came to me concerned that he was unable to make any more headway in his church. It seemed as though every time he tried to move things forward along the pathway of renewal that an impenetrable blockage stood in the way. When I first asked him about previous sexual partners he was surprised by the question, not thinking that this could have any relevance to his situation. He freely admitted that before he was a Christian he had been quite promiscuous and, yes, there had been ten different sexual partners. But he had totally turned his back on this lifestyle following his conversion and he believed that had all been dealt with at the cross.
I explained to him that the sin was totally forgiven and that God had wiped the record of the sin off the slate. But in reality there is also a law of sowing and reaping and not only does sin have to be confessed and repented of to deal with the eternal consequences, but there are times when cleansing and healing are also necessary to deal with the consequences in time.
He understood what I was saying and gladly wrote down the names of the ten girls. One by one I prayed through the list asking God to break the ungodly soul-ties. And one by one he sensed God doing a profound work of cleansing on the inside and after each on significant deliverance took place. Until, that is we reached number five. I only just began to pronounce her name with the syllable “An…….” When I was stunned by a violent and noisy demonic response from the man as he shouted out at me, “You are not having her!”. He was as stunned as I was and after he had recovered his composure I asked him what he could remember about Angela.
He had no difficulty in remembering that Angela always dressed in black and was actively involved in witchcraft. Here was the major key to the blockage he was experiencing in his ministry. He was bonded to someone whose witchcraft was still being used against him through the ungodly soul-tie which had been established all those years earlier. Satan uses every possible hook to try and limit the effectiveness of our ministries. Having prayed to bind the demons of witchcraft they were silenced, God broke that soul-tie for ever and he was a different man after that. The remaining soul-ties and subsequent deliverance presented no problem.
A lady once told me that there was a night in her marriage when she sensed there was someone else present in the bed with her and her husband. She couldn’t understand why she was feeling so repulsed by his presence. He had been away on business and she had been looking forward to restoration of intimate relationships with him on his return. But there was something wrong and she knew it. It was only years later she found out that when her husband had been away he had committed adultery. What his wife had been sensing was the presence of the other woman, to whom her husband was now joined with an ungodly soul-tie. For years since that moment their relationship had been tarnished by the spiritual presence of the other woman.
Over the years we have ministered freedom from ungodly sexual soul-ties to countless thousands of people around the world. People of every racial grouping and from most nations. The fruit has been remarkable. Often Satan uses the ungodly soul-ties to hold people into demonic symptoms of physical illness, preventing people from ever being fully whole. Demonic transference in this way is one of the most common sources of sickness in the Body of Christ.
We have commonly prayed for people who have had previous sexual partners and after prayer they have and deliverance they have experienced a significant measure of healing. Sometimes the effect has been quite dramatic as symptoms a person may have been wrestling with for years are suddenly healed as ungodly ties are broken.
On one occasion I taught a large church about the nature of sexual sin and its consequences. When teaching in this way I often use drama to graphically illustrate the key points. I have a young couple on the platform who, in the drama, are about to get married, and I then expose the fact that they have both had previous sexual partners. In the drama these previous partners are hanging onto the young couple as they prepare to get married. But these previous partners have also had other sexual relationships, so there is a second generation of ties, and a third and so on. When people see just how many different people are tied into the marriage, they realise how dangerous sexual sin is and they understand why the scriptures are so clear about the need for sexual purity both before and after marriage.
After the church had seen the drama and heard the teaching, I then opened up the front of the church for confession, repentance and ministry. A flood of people came forward. There was many tears, major deliverance and a great amount of physical healing as the holds of the enemy on these dear people’s lives was broken for ever. The Pastors of the church looked on in amazement. They thought they knew their people and were deeply shocked at the extent of need in this area amongst their people.
One lady came for prayer because she was unable to conceive a child with her husband. On asking a few questions I found out that there had been a previous boy-friend who wanted to marry her, but whom she had given up to marry the man she really loved. Her previous boy-friend, however, with whom she had been having sexual relations, was both heart-broken and very angry. He vowed that she would never have a child by another man.
Such words were in fact a curse which Satan could use to release demons against her – in this case a spirit of death to prevent her ever being able to have her own child. The soul-tie between them gave the enemy easy access to her life. It was only when the soul-tie had been broken and she had been delivered of the spirit of death that she was then able to conceive.
It has become a common experience for us to minister in this way to women who, for various reasons, are currently unable to conceive. We often find that in earlier life they had had other sexual partners and, in some cases, had had an abortion after falling pregnant. What a joy it is to bring healing o such people through first dealing with the sin of abortion, and then asking God to break all the ungodly soul-ties, followed by deliverance Notes… Ellel Ministries, Ellel Grange, Ellel, Lancaster, LA2 0HN, UK. email@example.com www.ellelministries.org © Ellel Ministries from all the unclean spirits. The icing on the cake is to subsequently receive a photograph of the longed-for baby! We have many such pictures in our files. They are a constant encouragement as we press on to bring healing to God’s people.
All that I have said so far about the need for confession, repentance, breaking of soul-ties and deliverance applies to all forms of sexual sin which have been entered into through the freewill choice of the participants.
The primary difference between those who have committed sexual sin before marriage (fornication) and those who have committed sexual sin after marriage (adultery) is that the latter also involves betrayal of the marriage covenant with one’s wife or husband, with all the possible consequences of secondary pain and relationship breakdown. Ministry into the marital relationship or into the consequences of relationship breakdown is beyond the scope of this chapter.
It is increasingly common to find that married couples who have a Godly sexual relationship within marriage, began their sexual relationship with fornication before marriage. In these cases there can be both an ungodly and a Godly soul-tie between the couple.
It is necessary for the ungodly dimension to the relationship to be fully dealt with, for this can be a source of spiritual friction or even be the grounds for an unclean spirit to cause sexual problems and division in the relationship through temptation to subsequent sexual sin. One lady in this situation was radically healed of epilepsy which had started at the time of her marriage. Having dealt with the fornication she was then delivered and wonderfully healed.
Abuse and rape: Where sexual relationships were forced upon a person in an abusive or rape situation, an ungodly soul-tie is still established between the abuser or the rapist and their victim, even though the relationship was against the will of the victim. While there is always much deeper ministry that is required in order to take the person through the issue of forgiveness and healing for the terrible betrayal and ordeal they have experienced, it is still necessary at some stage in the ministry to such people to deal with the ungodly soulties.
Many people, who have been abused in their early days, had come to believe that they would never be free of intrusive memories of their ordeal and the perpetrator. It was only after God had broken the soul-ties that they were free to move on in their healing without being chained to the person who had stolen so much from them through what they did.
Those who have been abused or raped will also need help with the shame associated with their ordeal. While, in reality, there may be nothing they have done which merits personal guilt or shame, one of Satan’s tactics is to overwhelm the person with what is false guilt and false shame, often demonically empowered, which entraps the person into a false identity from which it is very difficult for them to escape without the help of those who can take them by the hand and see them restored under the hand of God. In severe cases Notes… Ellel Ministries, Ellel Grange, Ellel, Lancaster, LA2 0HN, UK. firstname.lastname@example.org www.ellelministries.org © Ellel Ministries there can also be a breaking of the personality requiring much more in-depth personal ministry.
Ungodly Sexual Activities: Ungodly sex is simply everything that God would define as being ungodly sexual conduct, according to His Word, that goes beyond the practice of heterosexual relationships. This would include sex with animals, homosexual and lesbian sexual relationships, oral sex where a woman is made to experience her partner’s ejaculation into her mouth, sexual violence and punishment, and all forms of ritual sex.
The teaching that anything goes within marriage, provided that both partners agree to it, finds no place in scripture. Ungodly sexual practices are wrong, whether they are found inside or outside of marriage. I never cease to be amazed at the extremes of sexual behaviour that some people have experimented with. It is little surprise that they are struggling with all manner of spiritual, emotional, physical and sexual problems and temptations. There is no way out except through uncompromising honesty, a radical determination to turn from all such behaviour, deliverance and healing.
Sometimes people have been led into perverted sexual conduct by someone else. For example a person may have been encouraged to experiment with animal sex by a particular individual. It is our experience that in cases such as this there is often a soultie between the participants, even though they may not have had direct personal sexual contact. The agreement together to participate in ungodliness is enough to join them together in an ungodly soul-tie.
Pornography: Pornography of all types provides the means for individuals to participate lustfully, through the eyes, in other people’s sexually promiscuous or perverted behaviour. Jesus faced this possibility head-on in Matt.5:28 when he said that “anyone who looks on a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.
The use of pornography as an aid to masturbation highlights the sexual joining in the mind there can be with the image that is being looked at, resulting in a physical sexual expression. It may be necessary when ministering to those for whom pornography has become an uncontrollable force in their life to ask God to break the soul-ties that have been established through the mind with the images people have lustfully used.
None of us can escape the gratuitous onslaught of sexual images that bombard mankind through all branches of the media, especially through television and films. Satan uses this constant bombardment to try and wear people down so that they become increasingly tolerant of watching blatantly ungodly images. We need to be constantly on our guard to this and learn to resist the devil’s temptations whenever they face us.
There are many people who have desperately tried secretly, and in their own strength, to overcome the temptations of the enemy in the sexual area. Often, largely because they have been ignorant of the nature of the battle, they have not had access to the weapons with which to fight. But once people understand about the true nature of sexual sin and Notes… Ellel Ministries, Ellel Grange, Ellel, Lancaster, LA2 0HN, UK. email@example.com www.ellelministries.org © Ellel Ministries consequential soul-ties, and the need there can be for deliverance, it is as though a huge obstacle to their healing has been removed.
However, deliverance should not be considered as the end of the story. We still have to exercise our freewill in order to remain free through making Godly choices for, as Peter tells us very graphically, “Your enemy prowls round like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Which means that Satan doesn’t generally give up on trying to tempt us! Peter’s simple advice is to “Resist him, standing firm in the faith.” For as long as we resist him the enemy cannot have any ground to stand on, in our lives.
May the Lord give you His understanding of any issues you are personally facing and enable you to receive any necessary healing and deliverance so that you will then have the strength to stand firm as you choose to walk in obedience and fellowship with Him.