When people want to salvage their relationship/marriage, often they don’t know where to begin, it all seems an uphill task, the best thing is to look at the whole journey. It will be effective if both parties see it step by step; that way it is done in unity, it is simple and they see progress in the process. Below is a step to step guide to follow as a roadmap towards healing your relationship/marriage.

1. Knowing and affirming that you love each other hence the reason for wanting to make it work

2. Accepting that a relationship/marriage is a human union and institution and hence mistakes are inevitable. Humans are not perfect, but they can be better

3. Agree that a damaged relationship/marriage can be fixed

4. Agreeing that love is an important union with implications on you two and your children

5. Recalling why you loved each other in the first place, why you got married, recalling your vows, the initial script before things changed

6. Highlighting how much you both have invested in this relationship/marriage, the years, the children

7. Accepting that things changed

8. Being honest about why and when things changed

9. Bringing to light your role and his/her role in making things changed without judging or attacking each other

10. Each accepting their role

11. Exposing what is wrong in your relationship/marriage, what lacks

12. Listing the dangers or enemies of your relationship/marriage. To go to war, you need to know your enemy

13. Analyzing the implications of your relationship/marriage breaking (effect on children, losses, pain)

14. Painting a picture of what benefits will arise if the relationship/marriage works, look ahead, the big picture

15. Forgive each other for mistakes and wrongs done

16. Agreeing that one partner alone cannot save the relationship/marriage

17. Accepting it will not be easy at first but the benefits are good

18. Mentioning specific actions and ways to follow towards healing the relationship/marriage (work on communication, pray more, go out on dates, have family dinners, improve communication, work on financial management, agree on phone behaviours, no secrets, no more flirting with others, working on a healthy sexlife)

19. Commit to those actions and ways

20. Close the chapter of the past, past sins, no bringing them up

21. Pray together, hug, kiss, make up

22. Go out on a date or vacation, enjoy each other in a new environment, re-learn each other

23. Involve the kids, have family outings, talk to the kids together, go as a couple to the kids events, drive in the same car

24. Celebrate your Anniversary or Back to Love day

25. Keep trying no matter how difficult, together. Not a solo act but team effort

26. Witness the power of love and forgiveness