1. IT DEMEANS YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER

It shows your spouse that he/she is not worth speaking to. Hurting him/her in the process

2. IT SOLVES NO ISSUES

Silent treatment means that issues never get addressed, in fact, they escalate, draining emotions of the both of you

3. IT MAKES THE HOME COLD

It makes both of you edgy and uncomfortable, killing emotional connection and intimacy

4. IT ABUSES THE CHILDREN

Children suffer the most when their parents give each other silent treatment, they sense that something is wrong and makes them worry and panic. Children love mom and dad the same

5. IT MAKES YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE

Giving your spouse/partner silent treatment makes him/her overthink, wondering what is going on and feeling powerless because you are not communicating

6. IT PUTS YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER IN PRISON

Silent treatment is like putting your spouse/partner through solitary confinement where you cut off access to you. Forced imprisonment is abuse

7. IT SIGNALS THE DEATH OF YOUR BOND

No relationship can thrive or survive without communication. Silent treatment plants seeds of the end is near, tormenting your spouse/partner

8. IT PUSHES YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER AWAY

Silent treatment makes your spouse/partner feel locked out, your spouse/partner withdraws because he/she doesn’t know where your heart stands to walk with you in agreement

9. IT COMES BACK TO HURT YOU

Your spouse might in return decide to also give you silent treatment which will hurt you especially when eventually you want to talk but your spouse has gotten used to silence

10. IT BREEDS FEAR, LEAVING ROOM FOR ASSUMPTIONS

Silent treatment denies your spouse/partner a space for peace, it makes him/her restless, assuming what happened and what will happen

11. IT MAKES YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER FEEL REJECTED

Someone who ignores you, rejects you. Silent treatment makes you ignore your spouse/partner, making him feel replaceable and unwanted

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde

THINGS YOU COULD BE DOING THAT MAKE YOUR SPOUSE FEEL DISRESPECTED

1. Shouting at him/her in public. If you want to correct your spouse, pull him/her aside

2. Failing to introduce your spouse in public. Always affirm your spouse’s position in public, say “This is my wife/husband”

3. Coming home full when your spouse invested time and effort to cook for you. If you know you are eating out, let your spouse know in advance

4. Treating other people better than you treat your spouse. Your spouse is the special one deserving of your best

5. Gossiping about your spouse to others. Preserve the dignity of your spouse

6. Slapping or physically abusing your spouse. No matter how angry you are, do not harm

7. Insulting your spouse. No matter how angry you are control your tongue

8. Belittling a gift your spouse gave you. Never make your spouse feel you don’t appreciate his/her efforts

9. Flirting with others. This shows disrespect to your marriage

10. Badmouthing your spouse to the child/children. Never project a negative image of dad/mom to the child/children

11. Treating your spouse like a slave. Love does not humiliate

12. Talking badly about your spouse’s body. You are responsible for making your spouse feel good about his/her body

13. Not appreciating your spouse’s contribution just because you do more because you have greater capacity. Love does not keep a score sheet

14. Praising another above your spouse. Don’t become too familiar with your spouse

15. Comparing your spouse with your ex. There is a reason why that person is your ex and you’re with your spouse

16. Failing to see the progress your spouse is making and his/her success. If you will not celebrate your spouse, who will?

17. Sneering, banging doors or walking away when your spouse is talking to you. Never make your spouse feel looked down upon or not listened to

18. Rudely hanging up on your spouse’s phone call or deliberately ignoring your spouse when your spouse is calling. If you can’t talk or not in the mood to talk or you want some time out, let your spouse know, don’t be rude

19. Mocking your spouse’s education, upbringing or intelligence. Even when you know more, understand that we all are growing and know some things more and other things less

20. Mocking your spouse’s sexual performance. Do not destroy the self-esteem of the person you depend on to give you pleasure

21. Mocking your spouse’s fears and judging them as petty. If something is a big deal to your spouse but not to you be sensitive and understanding