1. YOU DIDN’T MARRY FOR LOVE

If you felt forced to marry your spouse perhaps because of getting a child together, your parents or due to pressure, or because of money and a good life; you will struggle to have sexual feelings for your spouse until you settle in your mind “I am in this marriage to make it work. I will put away any inhibitions in my mind and learn to love and enjoy the one I am with”

2. YOU HAVE NOT FORGIVEN

If you are still mad at your spouse for something your spouse did, you will not desire him/her. It is difficult to be comfortable with and to give yourself to someone you have a grudge with. Forgive your spouse if you want to make your marriage exciting. Tell your spouse “I forgive you”

3. YOUR EX

If memories of your ex are hotter than those of your spouse, maybe your ex was more romantic, more passionate and experimental, moaning more, lasting longer, more naughty, licking you better, doing the sex positions you enjoy; if you don’t watch out, you will find yourself reminiscing about your past and showing no enthusiasm for your spouse. Leave those memories of your ex. Appreciate your spouse for who they are and teach your spouse how you want to be pleased, now that you know how you like it

4. SEX HAS BAD MEMORIES

If you were abused sexually in the past, or before you got married, people used you and dumped you for sex; sexual activity might have bad feelings for you. Unlearn this, seek counselling if you must; you are now married to someone who loves you, stop punishing him/her for the pain others caused you

5. YOU LACK CONFIDENCE

If you don’t find yourself attractive or are self conscious and shy, you will struggle to be naked or to release yourself to pleasure.  This will make you rigid and defensive that you struggle to get or keep an erection if you are a man, or make it difficult for you to get an orgasm because you are overthinking if you are a woman. To give and receive pleasure needs a positive good measure of an ego that says “Give it to me!” or “I will give it to you”

6. YOUR SPOUSE HURT YOU LAST TIME DURING SEX

If your spouse hurt you last time you two were sexual, maybe she squeezed your balls too much, or your nipples were rubbed too hard, or he penetrated too forcefully without sufficiently preparing you; you will fear getting sexual again. Communicate to your spouse when he/she is too rough so that necessary adjustments are made

7. YOU NO LONGER ADMIRE YOUR SPOUSE

If you look down on your spouse or you feel your spouse is lazy, not contributing enough at home, frequently making mistakes or not growing as fast as you; you might easily lose the admiration you had for your spouse and lose your desire for him/her. This is why it is important to look at the areas where your spouse is doing well, not just the negatives. Also, encourage and challenge your spouse to be better; don’t belittle or discourage. The one you admire, you desire

8. YOUR SPOUSE ABUSES YOU

If your spouse abuses you physically, emotionally, financially or socially; you might despise him/her. Get to identify the things that you two fight about, communicate you don’t like the way you are being treated, treat your spouse well too because you could also be the problem, seek counselling as a couple

9. YOU DESIRE SOMEONE ELSE

If you are longing to be with someone else, a new fling; your emotions will be distracted and you won’t desire your spouse. If you are already being sweet talked, touched or sexed by another; you will come home to your spouse satisfied and not needing your spouse. Cut out the luring ways of another. Focus on your spouse. Your spouse was once the one you desired, eventually you will realize an outsider has little to offer

10. YOU DON’T FIND YOUR SPOUSE PRESENTABLE

Maybe you don’t like the way your spouse looks; perhaps she comes to bed wearing boring clothes or he doesn’t shower. If that is the case, buy her gifts of lingerie that you will love to see her in, or ask him to join you in the shower you clean each other up and get naughty. Creatively present your spouse sexy to yourself

11.YOU SUSPECT YOUR SPOUSE IS CHEATING

Maybe this is real or it is your insecurities assuming the worst, no matter the case, talk about these concerns to your spouse. What is making you suspicious? Is it a friend, a text message you saw, a feeling? Talk about it. It could be you are falsely accusing, or you may be right and if you talk about this early enough, you might save your marriage and stop your spouse from veering off to a full blown affair. This is better than keeping it to yourself as you give your spouse silent treatment